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"Mother and I started cooking on Tuesday night. We made pumpkin pies, pecan pies, mincemeat pies, key lime pies, everything we could prepare and knew would keep a couple days.Bill, Father and I absconded with one of the pumpkin pies and covertly feasted in the back yard. We'd done it every year for the past fifteen years, so of course Mother knew exactly what had happened. She did her customary moaning about "losing" or "miscounting" her baking while grinning to herself.We did more Wednesday evening. We prepped the turkeys, hams, chickens, roast beef and all the vegetables. We managed an early bedtime but got up at 3:00 to cook some more.(Thursday 11/24)Ana, Don and Natalie came over about 8:00 to help out. Between us, we managed to get all the meat in the ovens and started getting the cooked vegetables ready. We guys put up the full dining room table and set up three additional tables in the back yard.We'd invited literally everyone we knew. The Matthews and their grandparents of. Placing the order, I began counting the moments until O Day. I even gave my en route electric lover a name and backstory. It is Beauregard T. Appomattox, a wealthy southern gent, owner of a lucrative okra plantation in Richmond. He was firm yet gentle with a powerful baritone. Many nights after making ferocious love in his okra fields, Beau would serenade me with Randy Newman's "Sail Away." Occasionally he would ask me to dress like Mrs. Butterworth so he could croon "Brown Sugar" during cosplay. But due to his mechanical nature, our song was inevitably "Mr. Roboto."Finally, the day that will live in infamy arrived. According to Amazon, like the froggy in song, Beau would come a-courtin' today. I was as nervous as a newlywed being quizzed about her anal sex experience. To both prepare and relax myself, I took a lava-hot bath using a twenty-gallon drum of Mr. Bubble. I felt as luxurious as Cleopatra discovering the Nile. Wardrobe was a real dilemma. I wanted to both feel and look.
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